If You’re Christian, You Probably Don’t Want To Be Here

I was raised as an evangelical Christian. I write about that experience occasionally. I don’t have nice things to say about it.

Right now I’m very bitter about my conservative Christian upbringing and what it did to my life and the precious years I wasted, suffering intensely while trying to shape myself and my life according to conservative Christian beliefs.

I’m bitter that true facts about the world were hidden from me so as not to undermine evangelical Christian theology, which made it more difficult for me to make an informed choice.

I’m bitter that an informed choice is not possible when you’re a small child and all the trusted adults in your life, everyone with authority, is assuring you that what they are teaching you is 100% The Truth, no ifs, ands or buts.

I’m bitter about the fact that in the conservative Christian communities I grew up in and around, a victim being bitter and unforgiving was treated as a worse sin than the actions of the person that victimized them. (While I was lucky enough to escape the worst that could have happened, there was literal literature telling young women not to be bitter or unforgiving towards their rapist if they were assaulted.)

I’m both bitter and unforgiving and I slather that all over and roll around in it periodically.

If the God I grew up with actually exists (and I don’t believe he does), then I am definitely going to Hell and that’s fine, because I’d rather be in Hell than spend eternity worshiping and praising that egotistical, abusive asshole.

Here’s the thing, though – I’m not going to say ‘not all Christians’ when I’m writing. I’m not going to try to soothe anyone’s feelings. So if you’re Christian, and you’re reading, you’re going to see me say scathing things about Christianity and Christians and God and the Bible and it’ll probably hurt your feelings.

So if you’re Christian, you probably don’t want to be here.

(If you’re not Christian, or are but don’t have your feelings hurt by people saying negative things about it, and are morbidly curious, and have way too much time on your hands, I wrote a 20 post series on the experience of being subjected to religious indoctrination, how it shaped my life, and finally leaving my faith – you can find the first post here. )