I don’t know, what would you title a post about a prophylactic?

The condom is finally gone.

It first appeared a few months ago, nestled in a gravel filled pothole in the trail that leads from our apartment complex to the park. There’s no nearby dumpster or trash can it could have fallen out of. There’s also no place to hide for a covert fuck near that spot. There’s no sheltering hedge. Anyone looking from the first or second floor of the townhomes lining the trail has a full view of whatever is happening there. Even more inexplicably, it was the middle of winter, with snow still on the ground.

I hate when people litter, but I was grudgingly entertained by the idea that some couple, desperate to fuck, had snuck out to the trail in the dead of a winter night and managed to apply a condom and apparently do the deed. Perhaps they were drunk at the time. Maybe that would make it possible to ignore the fact that you’ve whipped your dick out in below freezing temperatures. I don’t know – I don’t have the anatomy in question and can’t imagine I’d be willing to expose it in such a fashion if I did.

For months I’ve walked that trail to reach the park and for months, the condom was still there, slowly breaking down until all that was left was the curled up ring. As I don’t have a dog to walk I never carry baggies with me so I left it alone. There’s a good chance I’d have left it alone even if I had a means with which to dispose of it. Some waste is just not the sort I’m willing to clean up on someone else’s behalf. It seems someone else finally noticed and was willing to do just that, though. Otherwise some bird picked it up and has used it to strengthen the walls of their nest.

It’s occurred to me there’s an explanation for its appearance that wouldn’t involve anyone exposing their sensitive bits to the winter air. There’s nothing to prevent vehicles from driving onto the trail near that spot, which means it’s possible a couple simply parked behind the complex for their rendezvous. And then threw their used condom outside. If that’s what happened, I hope they shut their fingers in their car door the next time they drive somewhere. (What? I said I don’t like it when people litter…)

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