I mentioned becoming part of the conservative Christian and libertarian Christian blog community. Some of my family had become part of this community too, and we’d made some friends from all over the country. Some of these friends were regular readers and commenters on a virulently anti-feminist libertarian Christian blog, which I don’t want to name, so I’ll just call it by the initials of the person behind the blog, TB. I became a regular reader and commenter on TB, too. TB was unnecessarily mean, sometimes, but I let that slide.
It was here that my reading comprehension and extensive reading of the Bible, combined with a logical mind, would lead to my voluntary exile from the conservative Christian blogging community, and prime me to listen to new information that challenged my conservative beliefs.
This was how it happened: TB had a regular reader, JQP, that was a drunk atheist that would get into arguments with TB and his conservative readers just for the sheer fun of it. JQP was smart, weird and weirdly charismatic and everyone on the blog seemed pretty fond of him, even if he was a drunk, angry atheist. As time went on, JQP developed relationships with some of the people from the blog offline, and started to get his life in order, and eventually he converted to Christianity. The difference in the way he wrote made it obvious that he was not so drunk or so angry any more.
Around this time, TB introduced the concept of Christian PUA/game. The idea was that Christian men could use a mix of alpha and beta behaviors to take control of their marriage and manipulate their wife into her proper submissive role, and being put into her proper place this way would make her happy and horny. Men would have wives that did what they wanted and gave them lots of sex, which was what most men on TB’s blog seemed to want more than anything else.
I was horrified. The behaviors in question were often cruel and malicious, and highly manipulative, and I knew how I’d feel if someone treated me that way. Awful. This advice wasn’t Biblical at all. Yes, I agreed that women were told to submit to their husbands. But husbands were told to love their wives, and “Christian game” had fuck all to do with love. I knew what the Bible said about love:
Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. (From 1 Corinthians 13)
Men weren’t allowed to force their wives to submit. That was the opposite of love. They weren’t allowed to manipulate her and prey on her in order to gain her submission. Her submission was between her and God. A man was only responsible for his own obedience to God, not his wife’s. I said as much on TB’s blog in a terse comment, which was the last I said about the subject there. Instead I took to my own blog to lay out my case for why “Christian game” was not Biblical and was, in fact, wrong.
Some of the men from TB’s blog told me they agreed with me, but they wouldn’t say so on TB’s blog or get involved in arguments or stand up for the wives that might be subjected to these tactics that TB was advising Christian men start using. The only person that agreed with me and was willing to argue was our brand new Christian convert, JQP.
JQP tore TB a new one. He didn’t have to be drunk to be a scintillating and dangerous opponent in a debate. He pointed out the flaws in TB’s arguments, including the premise of alphas and betas and the hierarchical nonsense espoused in PUA and game rhetoric. He called TB out on all of his shitty nonsense.
JQP, the angry drunken atheist, had been beloved. JQP, Christian and passionately outspoken defender of ethical, rational behavior, with extensive knowledge of the Bible, was hated. Pretty much everyone on the blog turned on him, TB leading the charge. They lashed out at him, viciously.
JQP disappeared. There were no more comments from him and no more blog posts and no explanation. To this day I have no idea if he’s okay or not.
I was shaken to my core. I’d been raised to believe that new Christian converts were the most important thing in our religion, a religion of love, and I’d just seen an entire community of supposed Christian men try to tear down a new Christian convert that dared to call them out for promoting ungodly, unbiblical behavior. Because apparently the most important thing in the world to them was to be able to dominate a woman and get all the sex they wanted from her.
I’d finally realized my community did not share my principles and if I had to choose between them and what I knew was right, I’d choose what was right. I quit reading TB’s blog. I ended up quitting blogging, too. I’d learned first hand why it was that Jesus had said ‘by their fruit ye shall know them.’